I sat alone in old Ford's Theatre, as the lights began to fade,
Thinkin' 'bout the nation, all the promises we've made.
The curtain rose, the show began, but somethin' felt so wrong,
A ghost appeared right next to me, where he'd been sitting all along.

He said, "Son, my name is Abe, and I've seen my share of pain,
Civil wars and troubled times, through hardship and through rain.
But this show right here, 'Melania', now that's a real disgrace,
It's the worst experience I've ever had in any time or place."

I looked at him, that honest ghost, he sighed so deep and low,
"I thought a bullet was the worst, but man, you never know.
Compared to all these empty words and that phony, plastic gleam,
That hit on me was almost kind, or so it starts to seem."

He said, "Son, my name is Abe, and I've seen my share of pain,
Civil wars and troubled times, through hardship and through rain.
But this show right here, 'Melania', now that's a real disgrace,
It's the worst experience I've ever had in any time or place."

Four score and seven years ago, I stood up for the truth,
But this charade right here, it's poison for the youth.
You can't fool all the people, not with glitter and a pose,
In the end, there's nothing there, just the emperor's new clothes.
[Guitar solo - sharp, twangy, and full of attitude]

Yeah, old honest Abe, he's surely seen his share of pain,
Civil wars and troubled times, through hardship and through rain.
But this show right here, 'Melania', now that's a real disgrace,
The worst experience he's ever had in any time or place!

Yeah, the worst experience... worse than lead and pain...